


i don't wanna live forever (i just wanna keep calling your name)

by bulletsfrankiero



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Established Relationship, Gay, M/M, like quite gay, there are other characters obvs, warning for like teeny tiny bit of gore but it's like so tiny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-12
Updated: 2019-01-12
Packaged: 2019-10-08 21:07:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17393729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bulletsfrankiero/pseuds/bulletsfrankiero
Summary: Words pile up in his throat so fast it feels as if he’s choking on them but he can’t let them leave, can’t remember how to say a single one because he’s staring at Magnus and he’s alive and nothing could ever matter more than that.or,the one where magnus is killed on a mission and alec does everything in his power to bring him back





	i don't wanna live forever (i just wanna keep calling your name)

Alec sees it before Magnus has the chance to turn around.

The mission wasn’t meant to be anything out of the ordinary, just a simple follow-up on some demon sightings near an abandoned mundane warehouse. Jace had sheepishly asked Alec to cut his movie night short because Izzy was out clubbing and seeking Seelie intel, and Magnus had insisted it could be a fun night. Of course, Alec had told him to stay home, but- well, Magnus has never been good at taking no for an answer. As soon as they had stepped out of the portal and greeted Jace, he had known something was off. Unrecognisable energy was buzzing in the air but no matter how many alarm bells had been thrumming through his chest, Magnus would not leave. They’d cleared the first few rooms after encountering only 10 shax demons and Jace having told him to _loosen up_ at least three times. Despite this, he hadn’t been able to shake the feeling that something was so, so wrong.

Magnus is mid-sentence when the glamour melts away, turned toward the two brothers and smiling at whatever Jace has just said to him. Alec doesn’t hear any of that, only opens his mouth to shout at Magnus to run, but he’s too slow. As far as he’s aware, he’s never come across this kind of demon before; some kind of humanoid-scorpion hybrid that easily towers over eight or nine feet. It plunges its stinger directly into the centre of Magnus’ chest before Alec can even raise his bow.

Seconds of complete silence pass with a tiny _oh_ of shock etched into Magnus’ face before the demon retreats and disappears completely. Then, as if time had never stopped at all, his knees give way and he hits the floor, hands weakly clutching at the gaping hole in his chest.

Alec hears the hoarse scream tearing through his throat before he realises it’s even coming from him.

Jace is closer but somehow Alec gets there first, collapsing onto the floor at his boyfriend’s side and numb to the shards of rubble that pierce his knees. “Magnus?” he whispers, hauling the other man into his lap and clutching him tightly. “ _Magnus_ ,” he pleads. Alec presses his forehead against his bloodied shoulder and tries to stop choking. There’s too much blood. Distantly, he feels a hand on his shoulder but all he can do is push him away, sobs painfully racking his chest as he holds onto Magnus even tighter. Magnus was supposed to live forever- outlive Alec, outlive all of them.

Maybe he hears Jace on the phone, hushed tone cracking with pain. He doesn’t listen to the words he says. Magnus is limp in his arms.

Behind him, he hears the distinct noise of a portal opening and more hushed voices spreading through the air. Alec doesn’t turn around, not even when he feels Jace gently squeeze his shoulder again. He’s not letting go. Hands he doesn’t recognise pull at him, gently yet firmly, but he just hits out behind him with his free arm. The hands give up after a minute and Alec desperately scrambles for Magnus’, willing the lifeless fingers to squeeze back.

“ _Respirar, conejito,_ ” a voice instructs softly, laced with emotion that Alec’s never heard before. Raphael’s hand finds his and when Alec lets him, he squeezes it. He knows.

When he murmurs, “you know we have to leave,” Alec thinks he’s going to be sick. Overwhelming nausea floods his stomach at the thought of letting Magnus go, at the thought of someone carrying him like he’s just another body- collateral damage, the Clave will say. Magnus is _not_ collateral damage and his life was _not_ worth this mission and-

“I’ll carry him, if you’ll let me,” Raphael offers, just squeezing back when Alec nearly crushes the bone in his hands. “Is that okay? Will you let me do that?”

Alec nods, because he knows that the vampire understands that Magnus is so much more than another death in the field, but accepting that and letting go of his body are two different things. Jace manages to pull him away with the help of who he thinks is his father after a few attempts, but he can’t stop reaching out for Magnus or control the stream of desperate sobs as he’s half-carried through the portal. It snaps shut whilst his head is buried in Jace’s chest but he looks up in time to see Raphael step through, cradling the body of the man who raised him with tears streaming down his face.

The normal bustling of the institute has come to a complete halt as people can only watch as Alec fights against Jace’s grip to get to Magnus again. Cries echo against the otherwise silent room, but he doesn’t give in until Lydia slowly steps forward and gently covers Magnus’ body with a sheet after Raphael lays him on the nearest table. It’s then that he crumbles completely, letting his knees give way underneath him and eventually letting Jace and Robert carry him to his bedroom.

Jace is murmuring softly to him, but Alec can’t hear him, doesn’t want to. When they sit him in the shower to wash off the thick layer of Magnus’ blood he’s coated in, he’s sure the water is warm, but he can’t feel a thing. After gentle encouragement, he allows his brother to help him shrug off his jacket and pull off his shoes and shirt. He knows his dad is speaking to him, asking him something but all he can do is stare at the blood as it washes down the drain and think about how he’s never going to see Magnus alive again.

Vaguely he remembers being coaxed out of the shower and towel dried. Alec stays sat on the edge of the bed in his soaked jeans and underwear, because he can’t move. Eventually, Jace gives in and helps him pull off his clothes, but Alec can’t even bring himself to care, barely managing to put on clean underwear without support. The sweatpants he’s offered by his father are Magnus’ and he feels everything all over again, managing to make it to the toilet bowl before he empties his stomach of the pizza they shared before Alec watched him die. Clary comes in with some of Jace’s clothes and he lets her hug him, lets her bury her face in his shoulder. They sit together on the bathroom floor for what feels like hours until she falls asleep and Simon carries her back to her room.

Alec knows he’s visited by one of the medics at some point due to the bandages wrapped around his knuckles and the soft burn of the iratze on his knee, but he doesn’t remember seeing anyone. The sun rises in the sky and his eyes water as he watches unblinking from the window.

When Izzy comes in, Alec breaks down again. His body has no tears left so she’s greeted with dry, ugly sobs as she lies down next to him on his bed, but she just strokes his hair and holds him close. She doesn’t speak, because she doesn’t need to. Guilt pulls in his chest every time he forces himself to breathe and his throat gets tighter and tighter until his sister sits him up, hands on his face to make him look at her. “Deep breaths,” she instructs.

Alec pulls away. Dread floods her face but she doesn’t move towards him, only waits to see what he’s doing.

“I didn’t get to say goodbye,” he whispers, face crumpling as he staggers backwards towards the door. Izzy stands, holds her hand out uncertainly in a plea to let her try to calm him. “I didn’t-” he tries, but his voice breaks and he forgets how to say anything else as his skin burns in need to be somewhere else and alone. He knows that Izzy realises he’s about to run before he even turns to leave and he’s grateful that she lets him go, guilt piling on even heavier at the thought of her worrying after him. People watch as he pushes past but nobody moves to stop him. Lydia stares with puffy eyes as he’s halted by the empty table where Magnus’ body should have been.

“Alec,” Jace calls from up the stairs on the other side of the room, poised like he’s ready to run after him if he has to. Alec doesn’t give him a chance. Thankfully, the elevator doors close before Jace makes it over to them and when someone hits the emergency stop button, he opens a portal and doesn’t look back.

 

Magnus’ apartment is how it always is. There are still popcorn kernels on the sofa and Sex and the City paused on the TV from where they had got up to last night. Only-

It doesn’t _feel_ like the same apartment. Even when Magnus was out and Alec was waiting for him to come home, he could feel the soft buzz of the magic and he felt safe. That magic is gone, and now the loft just feels empty. Alec feels empty.

The balcony is chilled with a harsh winter breeze but he can’t feel it, not enough to go inside. People close to him have died before, obviously – that’s just how being a shadowhunter is. He was always waiting for the day Jace let his confidence get the better of him or Izzy put herself in a situation she wasn’t prepared for, but he never dreaded this because he never thought it would come. Magnus was bittersweet in that way – Alec had always known he would grow old with someone who couldn’t age, and it hurt both of them to talk about the future, but never this. Maybe he’d forgotten that underneath the magic and the immortality Magnus was still _human_ , albeit in a downworld sort of way. He was still a being with a life – it could have gone on forever, but instead it was taken from him.

Alec watches the sun set until the sky is completely black and his fingers have turned blue.

\-----------

When Magnus opens his eyes and gulps down what feels like his first breath in hours, he is in fact not in the same place. White walls surround him with no visible exit, the room only furnished with two white armchairs and what he regards to be a cheap-looking white coffee table. Weirdest of all, he’s naked- but he doesn’t even get the chance to cover himself before he blinks and a white robe appears folded on the table in front of him.

“Magnus Bane,” a soft voice announces, and suddenly there’s a small child sat cross legged in one of the white armchairs as if someone had been there the whole time. For just a moment he’s on edge, but the child laughs melodically as _Amara_ flashes through his mind. “We are not her.”

“You look an awful lot like her,” he scowls. If anyone was going to kidnap him and undress him, it would definitely be the Seelie Queen.

“We appear to you however you envision us to be. If it would make you more comfortable, we can always change our form?” they offer, Magnus not even having to nod before their hair tumbles down into blonde and face becomes more boyish. They chuckle at his astonishment and gesture for him to sit down in the opposite chair. “We are here to alleviate some of your confusion.”

“Where am I?”

“It depends on how you wish to perceive it. Shadowhunters call it Purgatory, Seelies call it Shroud-”

A pang hits his chest, shock coursing through his veins. “I’m dead? I died?”

Again, they laugh at his response, innocent and melodic though he suspects the being may be something more than just a child. “Those are two very different questions, Magnus. But yes, in the mortal sense of speaking, you are dead. Your life was taken by a very ancient demon that has not walked among the mundane earth in many, many years – whether or not it was sent for you, we cannot be sure.”

“I have an inkling,” he sighs.

“We _are_ Shroud; we are one with our home. We must now ask you the question.” Magnus knows his answer before they even ask. “Are you ready to move on?”

He’s certain, but this doesn’t mean he answers immediately. They smile knowingly.

“No.”

“We understand.”

 “Is Alec alive?”

They smile softly. “Yes.”

“Can I see him?”

The words have barely left his mouth before the walls around him transform and he’s back in the mundane warehouse from earlier- only, it’s not quite the same. Watching Jace and Alec interact, their movements seem slightly distorted, as if he’s observing from inside a bubble. Alec’s eyes meet his and pass right through him, so Magnus turns to see what he’s looking at. He sees himself, walking slightly ahead of the other two but turning his head to respond to Jace’s snarky remarks every few seconds. He sees what the other Magnus doesn’t see – the ripple in the air as the greater demon’s glamour shifts and the swift movement of its tail as it pierces the other Magnus’ chest.

The raw emotion in the cry that Alec lets out nearly tears his heart in two, but it’s nothing compared to what follows. In the few years they’ve been together, Magnus has never seen Alec cry. Of course, he’s shed tears at movies and things like that, but he’s never broken down like this before. His whole body shakes with loud sobs as he cradles Magnus’ corpse, pulling away harshly whenever Jace tries to get him to stand up. All Magnus can do is watch as Jace opens a portal to the institute and people spill through, nobody able to have any effect on Alec until he finally rings Raphael.

Watching someone carry your own body is harder than Magnus thought it would be. Alec fights it the entire time and Magnus can _feel_ the pain in the gut-wrenching wails he’s hearing as Jace and Robert pull him away from Magnus’ body. He continues to reach out as he’s tugged further away, shaking hands desperately grasping for him but never quite being able to reach. Magnus turns away and he’s back in the ashen room, the child sat in front of him different once again.

“Whilst you are here you may watch over him or reflect back on your past. There is no limit on the time you wish to spend here, but be careful,” they warn as they stand as if to leave, “those who linger here too long may lose themselves completely.”

And, as if they were never there in the first place, they are gone. Magnus is alone in the room once more.

\-----

Just for a second, everything is okay again. Alec wakes up sleep-mused and warm in silken sheets and reaches for the warmth of Magnus’ body like he does every morning, raising his head to call out for his boyfriend when he’s met with empty space. It’s possible that it hits him harder than it did the first time, the realisation that he is never going to see Magnus again. Part of him wills the tears to come again so he can let out some of the pain that feels like it’s eating away at him from the inside, but they won’t. All he can do is lie there and stare numbly at the open doorway, waiting for Magnus to come through even though he knows he won’t.

Hours later when he starts to hear someone moving around in the kitchen, his instincts tell him to get up and grab the spare seraph blade Magnus let him keep in the bathroom cupboard (even though he hated the things). Instead he lies there, immobilised. Hopefully whoever is there will kill him quickly.  What he’s not expecting is for Catarina to walk through with two plates in hand and two mediocre-looking sandwiches topping them.

“When did you last eat?” is how she greets him, her usual confident demeanour maybe half of what it was. Alec just shrugs, because he’s not sure how long he’s been in the apartment. Catarina hands him the sandwich and he doesn’t object; he’s not hungry and it tastes like sawdust in his mouth, but he finishes it anyway. “The Clave have granted you grievance leave for one month and your sister has been appointed as acting head of the Institute.” A month to get over Magnus’ death isn’t enough. The pit in his stomach is telling him that years still wouldn't be enough.

“I was engaged, once upon a time. Did Magnus ever tell you? He was a mundane, but he lit up my life in ways I never thought possible. Both of us knew how it would end, but he stayed by my side until the day he died. That day, I had thought to be the worst of my life. Grief came hand in hand with acceptance as we both knew death was coming for him, but I still wasn’t prepared. I don’t think you can ever truly prepare for death, no matter how much of a warning you are given.” She takes a deep breath and Alec thinks he sees her glamour flicker for just a second. “That does not compare to no warning at all.”

“It was the worst day of my life,” he finally says, voice hoarse from not speaking. “He was alive and he was laughing and then he- then he just wasn’t.”

Catarina doesn’t say anything for a very long time. Despite everything, he’s glad she’s not trying to hug him or apologise or anything like that – she’s sat on the bed with him, and that is what they both need. “Come to my place and spend some time with me and Madzie.” It doesn’t sound like an offer, more a command, but Alec knows that if he were to turn it down she would accept that. He thinks about sitting alone in his dead boyfriend’s apartment for the next month, and he thinks about Madzie.

“Okay.”

\-----

_“Do you think you’ll ever forget me?”_

_Magnus pauses mid-movement, the glass he was bringing towards him held reflecting the soft sunlight onto his chest. The words don’t have the accusatory air that similar questions have held in the past, only curiosity, so he’s unsure of what kind of response is expected from him. They’ve had this argument countless times because there is never going to be a solution – Alec is going to grow old and Magnus is not. He’s never been asked something like this, though. Maybe he’s been accused of it before, of course, but Alec doesn’t even sound sad._

_“Of course not.”_

_The two of them are in a wild flower field, Magnus lazily slumped against a dead tree trunk and Alec’s  head on his lap whilst Jace, Izzy, Simon and Clary splash in the water. Izzy had forced them all to come here together (“everyone needs a holiday- **especially** you, Alec,”) but the other four were far enough upstream that their conversation was private. The soft shade of the branches made it feel intimate in a way that Magnus wasn’t sure they had experienced yet._

_“How do you know? There’s no way you remember everyone you’ve been with.”_

_Magnus turns away from the golden field to meet Alec’s soft hazel eyes. His head is cradled in Magnus’ lap as the warlock threads his fingers through his hair, shrugging off apologies with a lazy smile whenever one of his rings catch in it. “I remember the people who mattered to me. The people who truly changed me.” Alec only blinks up at him, wanting more. “I remember Emelia because she was the first person I ever loved, and the first person I had ever lost. I remember Imasu because he taught me that sometimes you can be happy with one another and it still not be enough. I remember George because he taught me how to accept loss and that it is okay to move on. I remember Camille because she saved my life and broke my heart. She taught me how to hold on, and how to let go.” Magnus closes his eyes and leans back against the tree trunk, smiling warmly when Alec finds his hand and laces their fingers together. “Oh Alexander, my sweet summer child. I am going to love you for as long as nature allows me to and I will never, ever forget you.”_

_Alec grins up at him, soft and sweet, and Magnus would swear he falls in love again every time he sees that smile. “Have I taught you anything, then? Or are you too old and wise to learn anything from me?”_

_“You’ve taught me that if you try hard enough you truly can burn anything in the kitchen.”_

_“ **Magnus** ,” he protests despite the chuckle he fails to keep concealed. “Serious.”_

_“You taught me how to trust again. After Camille, I closed myself off completely; I never thought I would be able to love someone like this, ever. You unlocked something in me.”_

_“I think I’ve heard that line somewhere before,” Alec mock-frowns, but he’s sitting up and kissing Magnus before he has a chance to object. The summer breeze is cool against his back, a pleasant break from the humid air, and Magnus feels at peace._

It’s hard, opening his eyes and finding himself alone in the ashen room once more. Magnus is angry; angry that he let himself get killed so easily, angry that he will never be able to say goodbye, angry that he knows he’ll end up fading away in Shroud because he’ll never be able to let go. He blasts the tacky coffee table with magic in hope to dispel something, but the coffee table continues to remain ugly and intact no matter how many times he tries. He doesn’t feel trapped in the small room, because he knows he’s not being confined – there is simply nothing else other than the endless ashy plains, where souls who want to remain lost wander. As he pictures the drawings he’s seen in his books, a doorway appears, but he knows not to exit.

He is not lost yet.

\-----

After a week or so, Alec and Madzie start going over to Magnus’ apartment to feed Chairman Meow whenever Catarina has to pull a double shift at the hospital. Technically it’s just as much Alec’s apartment as it was Magnus’, but the thought of calling it home without Magnus living beside him makes his skin crawl, so he doesn’t. Every day the two of them walk through town with her tiny hand firmly grasping his to go and feed Chairman and leave milk out for the other strays that gather on the balcony. Maybe he’s feeling overprotective, but he doesn’t mind. It helps to make up for how much he failed to protect Magnus.

That’s what he tells himself, anyway. Deep down he knows nothing he does will ever allow him to forgive himself for that.

Madzie is still very young, but she’s not stupid. Alec isn’t sure when Catarina spoke to her about death or Magnus but she seems to understand and miss him. So that’s how it remains; Alec answers texts from his siblings but not anyone else, makes small talk with Catarina over dinner (sometimes he cooks, sometimes she does,) spends as much time with Madzie as possible and cries himself to sleep every night without fail. It doesn’t get easier, only more familiar.

“Can we get milkshakes on the way home?” Madzie asks, tugging on his sleeve and pulling him back to earth. Chairman is mewling softly from the bedroom, probably wondering where his owner is. Alec has told him, actually, but he didn’t seem to understand.

“Of course we can, sweetheart. Now can you run and grab the cat food from the cupboard?”

She does immediately, bless her, grinning excitedly when Chairman comes out to greet her (or, more realistically, comes out to see who’s rustling his food packets.) For a moment or so, Alec finds himself genuinely smiling at her. Then, of course, there’s a sharp knock at the door that’s all too familiar. He ignores it at first, even when Madzie cocks her head at him in confusion, but the knock just sounds again.

“Alec? I know you’re in here. Come on, let me in,” his mother calls from outside the door. Begrudgingly he waits until she knocks once more before finally letting her in. She hugs him immediately, but her movements feel stiff and forced so he’s glad when she pulls away. “You haven’t been answering my calls- where have you been?”

“I’m staying at Cat’s with Madzie. We’re feeding the cat.”

She waits for a while as if she’s expecting him to say more, before asking, “How have you been doing?”

Alec shrugs. People have been asking him this since it happened but he still hasn’t managed to develop an adequate response. “I’m coping,” he says after a minute, even though he isn’t.

“When are you coming back to the institute?”

Alec freezes for a second, more angry at himself than Maryse for not realising that that would be the reason she came to see him in the first place. “Madzie, go and play with the cats outside,” he instructs, voice low. He doesn’t even meet her eyes until he hears the balcony door slam shut in the wind. “I can’t believe I didn’t cotton on that you were only here to ask me that.”

“Don’t be ridiculous! You’re my son. I came here because I care about you.”

“No, you care about my position as head of the Institute. You just knew that it would be impolite not to ask about me first.”

“Worrying about your position is the same as worrying about you, Alec. You know I love you. I’m trying to help you.”

“Izzy is covering for me and she’s doing perfectly fine.”

“Isabelle is... she’s not fit to be head of the New York Institute, Alec. I know you’re grieving, I just think-”

“Get out.” The words come barrelling out of his mouth from what he’s wanted to say for years and years. Maybe two weeks ago he would want to reach out and try and take them back, but now he just wants to say them over and over until his throat is raw. Maryse stands there silently, taken aback before reaching out to try and touch his cheek. Alec steps away without even thinking, pointing at the door with white knuckles and a shaking hand. “ _Get. Out_.” She doesn’t argue, only stares at him hurt before slamming the door behind her. Alec’s legs tremble until he sits down and places his head in his hands. Madzie runs in a few minutes later and attacks him with a hug; he’s pretty sure she’s accidentally wiping cat food on his jeans but he can’t bring himself to mind. “I think it’s milkshake time, kiddo,” he sighs, and she _beams_.

She babbles the whole way home about all the different cats she played with out on the balcony and holds Alec’s hand tighter than before.

 

When they get back to Catarina’s, she’s already home. Alec marks this as strange as he remembers her saying she was working until the early hours of tomorrow, but he doesn’t lend much thought to it. Madzie drags him upstairs so he can read with her, so he doesn’t get a chance to say hello to her until she calls them downstairs for dinner. Raphael is sat at the table when Alec comes through the dining room doorway, a fancy looking cocktail which Alec can only assume is mostly blood carefully balanced in his hand. He doesn’t smile at either of them, but he doesn’t really smile at anyone other than Simon, so Alec doesn’t take offence and just quietly eats his spaghetti whilst Madzie tells Catarina about their day around a mouthful of meatball. She smiles warmly at Alec when Madzie talks about her oreo and peanut butter milkshake and Alec finds himself genuinely smiling back.

“Thank you for welcoming me here,” Raphael says to Catarina when there’s a break in conversation. He drains the rest of his drink and starts helping Alec dry the dishes, which feels a little odd but not worth mentioning. It’s only when Madzie goes upstairs to brush her teeth that he asks, “Would you like to come on a walk with me?” and Alec can’t think of a reason to say no, so he says yes.

Alec doesn’t know the area around Catarina’s very well, but Raphael seems to so he’s content to just follow in silence. The park is near empty save a couple of teenagers smoking pot by the bushes and two or three runners, but he can’t help feeling on edge when they sit down on a bench facing the duck pond.

“We have to burn his body.”

The words nearly knock him over, pulling all the air out of his chest as he clenches his fists until he feels his nails pierce his palms. Surprisingly, Raphael extends his hands to Alec and when he looks up to take them, there are tears streaming down the vampire’s face. “I don’t want to, either. But it must be done.”

“ _Why_?” Alec chokes out and he _hates_ how ruined he sounds already. It’s always been a tradition at shadowhunter funerals, but he hadn’t ever heard of it in the downworld.

“There’s been... rumours. Magnus was a very powerful warlock – it’s believed he could have raised Edom if he had wished. There are beings out there capable of dark, dark magic that would be in favour of bringing him back to do so.”

“He wouldn't do that.”

“It’s not about what he would or wouldn't do. Resurrection comes with a price that most aren’t willing to pay – in exchange they take something from Magnus, like free will or feeling, and leave him empty and willing to obey. It’s not-” he pauses to take a deep breath and they’re both silently crying now. “I can’t let that happen to him.”

“Are there ways of bringing someone back that don’t harm them?”

Frowning, he drops Alec’s hands and finally meets his eyes. “You can’t bring him back.”

“What if I was willing to pay the price?”

“I want him back too, conejito; he was my family. Warlocks who use magic like this are willing to take everything you give them, and more. It’s too dangerous.”

“I have to try,” he whispers, not missing how Raphael’s lip trembles ever so slightly. “I- I understand if you won’t participate, but I couldn’t live with myself if I never even tried.”

Silence fills the air, but it’s easy, and Alec focuses his breathing on the rumble of the city in the distance. “I understand,” he says, and it’s as simple as that. It’s a promise – he won’t help, but he’s not going to try and stop Alec either. “Be safe.” As if on cue, they both stand.

“Come on, shadowhunter. I’ll walk you home.”

\------

_Waves of bass thrum through his chest as he watches the night unfold beneath him, bright splashes of coloured lights keeping the dance floor alive with the movement of the downworld. Magnus feels somewhat like a king, as he always does in his throne surrounded by his followers, but his eyes aren’t on them tonight. Shadowhunters normally stick out like a sore thumb, but Alec allowed Magnus to dress him tonight – he still stands out, but it’s because people can’t take their eyes off of him. He’s wearing his normal black jeans (made unbearably tight by Magnus’ hand, of course,) and some simple boots, but on top he adorns a loose silk button-up that has **far** too many open buttons for it to be considered anything but indecent. Borrowed chains from Magnus sit loosely on his skin, and when he moves the club lights glint off the rings. Light kohl pencil lines his eyes. He looks positively **obscene** and Magnus can’t bear to tear his eyes away. Loosely, he’s aware of Xeneria babbling excitedly in his ear (well, as aware as one can be in a club with this kind of volume) about a new antidote she’s been helping Tessa develop back at the Spiral Labyrinth, but he would pick watching Alec dance over anything in the world right now, so it would be untrue to say he was paying attention. Unfortunately, she seems to catch on after a while that he’s perhaps only lending her an eighth of his attention span and elbows his side playfully. _

_“You know, I don’t know why I even bother sitting here with you when you’ve got **that** over there,” she sighs, but there’s humour in her tone. _

_“Why, what would a king be without his attendees?” he counters, rightfully earning him another elbow to the ribcage._

_“Is this a serious thing, then? Or are you just parading him around whilst you’re still interested because he’s a hot piece of ass?”_

_“Can I answer with both?” he tries, smiling and shaking his head when Xeneria looks as if she’s about to leave. “This is as serious as it gets, my dear.”_

_For a moment, her smile flickers, and it looks as if she might say something. Magnus knows what is most likely coming – **but isn’t he mortal?** – and gets ready to brush it off, but it never comes. Instead, her lazy grin is fixed back on her face and she pushes his shoulder gently towards the dance floor. “Then go and dance with him, you fool.”_

_And well, she doesn’t need to tell him twice._

_Alec doesn’t see him coming so flinches momentarily as Magnus’ hands snake around his hips but relaxes immediately upon realising who he has attracted. They don’t speak for a while, just move against each other to the music._

_“People are staring,” Alec murmurs into his ear, head pressed as close as is possible in this kind of space._

_“Yes, darling, you look positively salacious,” he quips back, because Alec **does**. Nobody has stopped dancing but nearly everyone surrounding them has their eyes fixed to the shadowhunter in one way or another – the sweat-slicked skin revealed by that shirt, the fluid movement in his hips, those gorgeous legs. Flames of possession burn up Magnus’ spine, but Alec only huffs out a soft laugh when someone tries to wrap a hand around his shoulder and Magnus immediately bats them away.  Freedom and happiness is prevalent in his every movement, the kind Magnus hasn’t seen very often lately, making the work he came here to do completely slip his mind. Part of him debates slipping away, just for a second, but then Alec slides a hand into the back pocket of his leather pants and he’s sold._

_“Want to go get a drink?” he shouts into Magnus’ shoulder, laughing when he’s eagerly tugged away from the crowd. It’s not that he isn’t fond of dancing – there’s no way he’s not the best dancer here, obviously – but what with Alec and the way he’s moving his ass, it’s probably best to cool down a bit before he speaks to the contractor._

_The bartender smiles at him when the pair take their seats, immediately shaking up a vodka martini and sliding Alec a beer when asked. Music still floods the area but it’s quieter now, quiet enough that they can hear one another speak without having to shout. “You seemed to be having quite the time out there, hm?”_

_Alec grins abashedly, rubbing the back of his neck with his free hand. “I’ve never really been clubbing before. Oh- I mean, Izzy’s dragged me out a couple times, but it’s never been this fun.”_

_“What can I say? There’s a reason this club is the best in Brooklyn, and that reason is me.” Alec rolls his eyes, but still shifts his knee so it’s touching Magnus’. “In all seriousness, though, I am glad you’re having a good time. It’s been quite a while since I’ve seen you loosen up a little.”_

_“It’s been busy lately,” he says with a nonchalant shrug. “I’m just glad I'm getting to spend this time with you. Clubbing is fun, don’t get me wrong, but pretty much anything with you is fun.” He laughs when Magnus fakes being coy, draining the rest of his beer and putting it back down on the bar. “How d’you feel about another dance?”_

_Magnus decides work can wait._

_\------_

When he wakes up the next morning, it’s no longer grief that’s suffocating him but instead determination that’s rattling through his skull. Currently, he’s unsure of how to go about this or who to contact or whether he should talk to someone else first; the only thing he is sure of is that he has to do this. He has to try.

Catarina will not only refuse to help him but is also incredibly powerful and could possibly attempt to stop him, so there’s definitely no chance of receiving help from her. Raphael has made his stance on this situation crystal clear. There’s absolutely not a single person at the Institute who Alec thinks would be anything other than aggravatingly unhelpful, so he decides to flick through some of Magnus’ contact books when he goes to feed the cat in hope of finding someone who could help him.

Thankfully, it’s easier than it had seemed. He recognises Xeneria’s name immediately and spends twenty minutes thinking about how to write his fire message so that she won’t either ignore it or immediately pass him on to Catarina. Eventually, hurried on by one of the stray’s impatient scratches at the balcony door, Alec just writes ‘I need your help. Come to Magnus’ loft. Alec Lightwood’ and hopes he remembers how to send fire messages correctly. Without Madzie to distract him the apartment feels even colder still, but he forces himself to shoulder it off and pour out milk for the cats (who, despite him not being Magnus, are finally beginning to pay him some attention.) In his hurry, Alec may or may not have forgotten that warlocks hardly ever adhere to the kind of strict timings that shadowhunters are used to, so he’s half-asleep on the couch at about 2am when Xeneria portals into the bathroom and presumably smashes the mirror above the sink.

“Alec?” she calls, her usually eager grin instead morphing into a gentle but sad smile when she sees him curled up around Magnus’ favourite throw pillow. “Oh, sweetheart,” she sighs, and for some reason, that’s what makes him crumble. She’s immediately by his side, warmth flowing into him through where she’s rubbing his shoulder and Alec is hit by the realisation that she may not be able to help him. That despite how badly he may want it, he may not be able to bring Magnus back.

“I want- I need your advice,” he hiccups. Xeneria just nods and squeezes his shoulder, gesturing for him to continue. “I have to bring him back.”

He waits for her to recoil, to tell him that kind of magic is too dark to meddle with. Instead she sighs, patting his head softly. “It had crossed my mind that you may have summoned me here to ask that. I hope you know that I would _never_ be capable- or even _willing_ -”

“No, I mean- I would never ask that of you. I just- you’re one of the smartest warlocks I know. I trust you. I want you to go with me when I ask to make sure I don’t get like, tricked or something. Warlocks who perform magic like that,” he pauses, trying to think of a way to phrase this that won’t result in offending her or all warlock-kind, “tend to be meaner.”

“Has his body been burned yet?”

“No, Raphael said he would wait until I tried.”

“You are aware of the risks associated, right?” she asks, not quite meeting his eyes when he shakes his head. “Even if we were to find a warlock who has done this one hundred times, there is always a chance that something could go very wrong. If Magnus has already passed on through Shroud to Hell, it is likely that the human part of him is lost forever. What we could end up summoning, it’s...”

“I would have to kill him, wouldn't I?”

“Someone would. It wouldn't be _him_ anymore.”

Alec swallows, forcing his hand through his matted hair. It’s worth the risk. “Do you know who we can go to?”

“I know a warlock who owes me a favour and practices that kind of magic, yes – but whether he’ll actually do it is a different story.” Alec closes his eyes, takes a deep breath and collects himself. “Are you ready to go now? We don’t have to make the deal today – he may ask for something in exchange that you cannot give.”

“I’m ready.”

Together they stand and she takes his arm, murmuring a few words under her breath before a portal opens next to the front door. After crossing through (Alec’s stomach lurches but he’s used to it enough by now that it settles immediately) they end up in front of a small thatched cottage that seems to be in the middle of absolutely nowhere. The wards surrounding it flash an angry red when Alec steps forward, but Xeneria steps in front of them and they calm immediately, the door swinging open for her when she goes to knock. “Don’t let go of my hand,” she instructs, and he obeys without question. “Alfus?” she calls, laughing when Alec nearly jumps out of his own skin – there’s a rather large python wrapped around the banister flicking its tongue out at them interestedly. “Hey! Alfus?” she shouts again, this time a little louder. There’s a loud crash from upstairs and several geckos scramble across the ceiling.

“Xeneria!” a man cheers from the top of the stairs in an English accent before rushing down and encapsulating her in a hug. “And who is this fine young fellow, hm?”

“Alec Lightwood,” he introduces, holding his hand out for a shake but instead also receiving a tight hug after a moment of shocked silence.

“I’m so- so _sorry_ , my boy. Magnus and I were not overly close, but he was a very old friend.” Alec just nods, because no words he could produce would do the moment any justice. “What can I do for you?”

“I heard- is it true that you could bring him back?”

Alfus recoils slightly, removing the cornsnake wrapped around his neck and placing it down on the cluttered coffee table. “The risks are too great.” Alec just stares, waiting for more, hoping that despite that the warlock will agree anyway. “I cannot, Alec. I’m truly sorry.”

Feeling his knees about to give way, Alec staggers backwards to where he believes there is a couch and collapses down onto it, staring blankly at the ground. He’s sure there are tears streaming down his face but he can’t feel them. Xeneria seems to debate going over to him but decides against it, instead taking Alfus into the kitchen and flicking the kettle on. They’re talking in hushed tones, but Alec doesn’t even want to try and hear. Magnus really isn’t coming back. Anger bubbles under the crushing sadness, but it’s mostly at himself more than Alfus – how could he let himself get his hopes up so much?

“Alec,” Alfus says, clearing his throat when Alec makes no effort to meet his eye. “There is... one condition in which I would be willing to perform this magic.”

“Anything,” Alec promises, and means it.

“I am very, very old, and I’m quite frankly tired of living. However, if I were to end my life prematurely I would end up in Hell – I can’t say I’m overly fond of the idea. You have the one thing I do not, and that is my price for this spell.” Alec blinks at him, unsure of what he wants.

“Your mortality.”

Xeneria looks defeated above all other things, but still smiles when he meets her eyes. “What would that do to me?”

“It’s been done before, although very rare, so it would take me some time to prepare for the spell. Your demon blood and my angel blood would be exchanged.”

“You want... to be a shadowhunter?”

“ _God_ no. I want to be mortal, my boy, and I believe that is what nephilim are. I have no intention of seeking out an institute and becoming a warrior, Christ! I just want to live peacefully for a couple more years and be _done_ with it. But yes, you would in turn take my place. You would become a warlock, though how much magic you would have is unclear. You would be immortal.”

“I’ll do it.”

Xeneria stands, blocking his view of Alfus and taking both of his hands into hers. “Are you sure, Alec? There will be no going back. Even if the necromancy doesn’t work, you must still follow through with your part of the bargain. You can back out any time before the ritual begins, but once it starts there is no turning back.”

“I’m sure.” He knows what he plans to do if the spell doesn’t work, and whether he’s mortal or not won’t change that outcome. Maybe Xeneria senses this because she kisses both of his hands and he doesn’t miss the tears that fall before she turns back to Alfus.

“How long do you need?”

“A day should suffice. It needs to be done as the sun is rising as that is when the Shroud gateways are the most accessible.”

At that, Xeneria opens another portal and bids Alfus farewell before taking him through. To his surprise, they’re no longer at the loft but instead outside of the Institute, the decaying building glowing in the soft moonlight. “I assumed there would be some people you wanted to speak to before you went through with this.” Alec thanks her and lets her hug him once more before turning to face the Institute once more. Part of him doesn’t want to go in alone, but when he turns back she’s already gone. Clenching his fists, he steps through the door.

There are a couple of people awake, as there always are, but his eyes fly to Jace first of all. His parabatai is giving his everything into beating up a punching bag, specs of blood flying onto the mat and a slow ache spreading through his rune. Alec doesn’t announce his arrival, only softly touches the other man’s shoulder.

“You need to tape your knuckles.”

“Fuck you,” Jace says weakly, hugging him so tightly that it feels as if they are melded together. “You’re scared,” he then says, letting his brother lead him to the bench where he begins to draw healing runes on his hands.

“I have something to ask you, and I know you’re going to hate it.”

“What a wonderful way to preface it,” Jace grins, but Alec can feel that he’s just as scared now, too. “I’m all ears.”

“I met with a warlock who said he can bring Magnus back,” he starts, and Jace immediately opens his mouth with concern etched into his features, but once Alec starts he finds he’s unable to stop. “I know the risks and I’m prepared to face them, but I _know_ you understand that I’ve got to try. The price he’s asking- it- it’s fair, but-”

“But what?” Jace counters, no closer to understanding but resonating more poorly-masked fear. “What did you agree to?”

“I can still back out, it’s not that. I- he asked for my mortality.”

Jace looks like he’s just been crushed from the inside, immediately tearing his hands away from Alec’s care. “So you would-”

“I would become a warlock.”

“Is it safe?”

“Yes.”

“But-” Jace tries, turning away when his voice breaks. “What about me?” he forces out, and Alec’s heart nearly breaks, because Jace doesn’t really cry.

“That’s why I had to ask you – you’re my parabatai, it’s your decision as much as it’s mine.”

“How could I say no?” he sighs, turning back towards Alec but still not meeting his eyes. “I understand why you have to do this, Alec- nobody will _ever_ make you as happy as Magnus does.”

“You know I will _never_ leave your side, Jace. It doesn’t matter what I become, I will be your parabatai and your brother until the very end. I love you.”

Jace sighs, and for a moment Alec thinks he’s going to leave but he takes Alec’s head in his hands and presses his forehead against it. “I know, man. I know.” After that he does walk away, towards what Alec assumes is Clary’s room, but he knows not to follow. Jace may have accepted, but he needs time to come to terms with it. He didn’t even hit Alec once, so overall he’s going to chalk that up as going quite well. Next is Izzy, though, and Alec is almost certain there’s going to be punching involved.

 

 She’s laying on her bed reading with Simon dozing on her stomach when Alec lets himself in. Immediately she lifts him off and runs over to her brother. Alec feels at ease when she embraces him. “I missed you, _hermano_ ,” she sighs, and they sit together at the end of the bed whilst Simon seems to still be sleeping. “How have you been?”

The spiel seemed to worry Jace more than it needed to, so Alec launches right in. “I’m going to become a warlock.”

“ _What_?”

“I met with someone who can bring Magnus back in exchange for my mortality.”

“ _Alec,_ I- is that even possible? I’ve never heard of anything like it.”

“It’s been done before successfully.”

“Then count me in,” she decides, as if Alec has just told her he’s going to get a smoothie. “You’re incredibly naive if you thought I would ever let you do something like that alone.”

“Izzy, you can’t just-”

“Before you get all _extraño_ about it, know that it’s not just for you.” Alec looks over her shoulder to look at Simon pretending to still be sleeping and not eavesdropping. “I have my own reasons.”

It makes sense, when he thinks about it; it’s not that Izzy was ever _bad_ at being a shadowhunter because on the contrary, she was excellent. But the strict ways of life never quite suited her and her need to be free. Alec’s never wondered what she 3would be like if she wasn’t being held down, because there’s never been a path like this open to them. Now he’s excited to see her grow, thinks that maybe it would be worth sticking around for even if they couldn’t bring Magnus back.

“Have you spoken to mom yet?” she asks, pulling him out of his thoughts.

“Fuck,” is all he manages to say in response. Somehow, telling his parents hadn’t occurred to him. “I can’t think of any conceivable scenario where she would be remotely okay with this.”

“So... we wait until after to tell her?” Izzy offers, grinning when Alec sighs exasperatedly.

“You know she’ll disown me. We’ll probably be barred from using the Lightwood name.”

Izzy waves her hand around dismissively. “Cosas pequeñas. Doesn’t matter. We’ll have each other, right?”

Alec nods slowly, bumping her shoulder affectionately. “Right.”

-

_“Magnus?” Alec calls from the kitchen, pulling him out of whatever he was failing to focus on in his study. There’s a tinge of something unsettling in his voice, something close to resembling fear, and Magnus is immediately on edge. “Uh, **Magnus**?” he calls again, and there’s a mediocre crash that sends Magnus running into the kitchen without a second thought. _

_“What’s wrong? Are you hurt?” he worries, examining his boyfriend from head to toe. Other than the slight bruising around where Isabelle accidentally whipped his cheekbone last week, he seems completely fine. Alarm is written through his face and he won’t look away from the counter, but Magnus can’t see anything to be scared of._

_“No! No, I’m fine. I was just, uh, wondering if you- I mean, how you- no, um, would you, um-”_

_“Spit it out, darling.”_

_“Will you catch the spider?” he blurts out, so fast that Magnus thinks he must have misheard. Instead of asking for a repeat, he follows the direction of Alec’s fixed gaze to see a rather large wolf spider dangling from the ceiling over the chopping board. Magnus sees the knife on the floor and the half-chopped tomatoes and puts two and two together._

_“Alexander, did you throw a **knife** at the spider?”_

_“It was self-defence- look, can you please just kill it?”_

_“I most certainly will not,” he frowns, stepping past where Alec is standing as far away from the spider as possible without actually leaving the kitchen and scooping it up in his hands. “If you’ve learnt anything from me, be it that the Seelie Queen may come for your throat if you kill any innocent creatures.”_

_“That spider is **not** innocent,” he says darkly, following Magnus out to the balcony but keeping a few feet distance. “Wait- I’ve killed bugs before and she’s never done anything to me.”_

_“It depends what kind of mood she’s in,” Magnus sighs, opening the balcony door with a nudge and walking over to the edge. “I find it best not to risk it.”_

_“Is it gone?” Alec asks, peering as if he were over the warlock’s shoulder but still standing several feet away._

_“Yes, my dear, it is gone,” Magnus says, walking back over in preparation to lightly tease him._

_“If you think you’re touching me before you wash your hands, you’re mistaken.”_

_“Excuse me?”_

_“You could have- I don’t know, spider eggs or something all over you!” Alec protests, stepping back for every step closer Magnus takes. This is the point where Magnus can no longer contain the laughter he’s been so desperately trying to keep hidden. “Hey! Don’t laugh at me! It’s a perfectly reasonable fear.”_

_“I would **never** laugh at you,” Magnus says in the midst of laughter._

_“You’re mean.”_

_“Alexander, my light, love of my life,” he chuckles, making a show of cleaning his hands magically so Alec will stop running away. “I’m sorry, it’s just- you’re a big scary shadowhunter who kills **greater demons** \- I must confess I’m a little shocked to see you this worked up over a wolf spider. You know they’re harmless?”_

_“Spiders aren’t harmless – they’re evil!”_

_Magnus laughs so hard that he has to excuse himself._

****

“When are you going to get bored of lounging around on those awfully cheap sofas?” a voice asks dryly, pulling him out of the memory. Ragnor is leaning against the wall with a glass of wine in his hand, looking at the rest of the room with his usual disdain. “You know, I’ve heard there’s a rather obnoxious party in the warlock realm of Edom now – isn’t that more your forte?”

“I grew too soft, my friend,” Magnus sighs, unable to explain why there are already tears brewing in his eyes. “I could never leave him behind.”

“Whilst I’m rather hesitant to admit I was emotional, I must confess that I did dwell here for perhaps longer than was necessary.” He chuckles wistfully, walking around to sit on the couch opposite Magnus and sipping at the wine. Lord, how Magnus longs for a drink; no matter how hard he wishes, though, any drink that appears to him in Shroud seems to be alcohol-free no matter the taste of its contents. “You must know that you have already parted. These are just memories, and they will fade over time as you will if you linger too long.”

“I decided – recently, actually – that there could never be another after Alec,” Magnus announces, and whatever Ragnor was about to say about moving on dies on his lips. “I have never loved someone as dearly as I love him, no, but neither has anyone ever loved me so dearly in return.” The room shifts but Ragnor stays beside him to watch the memories – Alec bringing him breakfast in bed, the two of them walking along the Thames, Magnus falling asleep on his chest as they watch TV, Alec watching Magnus play with Madzie with such pure adoration that it makes Magnus’ chest ache. “It hurt me that he was going to age and I was not. I can’t say I was accepting of it, because I could never have truly accepted it, but I had come to terms with it.”

“So what? So this is your way of never moving on? Letting yourself crumble in Shroud?”

“I’m at peace, Ragnor. I want to stay here.”

Ragnor sighs, downing the last of his wine and flicking the glass over his shoulder where it disappears before hitting the floor. “I suppose I can understand. If this is truly where you want to remain, who am I to stop you?”

“You’re inside my head, anyway, so I feel as if it would be difficult for you to stop me.”

“I can be inside your head and still be real,” Ragnor protests, but there’s no energy to it. “Know that I miss you.”

When Magnus looks up at him he’s already gone.

\------

What Alec’s expecting when he opens his bedroom door at just after three in the morning isn’t complete stillness within the institute but at least something close to it. Instead he’s met with the sight of Jace, fist poised as if he was about to knock yet hesitated and something of a guilty look on his face. The look on his face isn’t one Alec is used to seeing on him – something of a deer in the headlights, unsure of his next move or whether he’ll even get to make one. So Alec just waits, knows not to say anything in risk of scaring him off or making him shut down on whatever he planned to say.

Eventually, he clears his throat. “I- I, uh, spoke to Clary. For a while, actually. She said- uh, a lot, actually – but mostly that this wouldn't ever sit right with me if I didn’t come and talk to you about it before you left. So, uh, here I am. Talking.”

“And what a good job you’re doing of it,” Alec responds dryly, knowing it’s what Jace needs to hear to relax ever so slightly.

“Look, I- I want you to know that I give you my blessing. Izzy too.”

Taking a moment to meet his eyes, Alec swallows and places a hand on his shoulder. “You’re sure?”

“Yeah, I think. I mean, obviously it’s gonna take a while to come to terms with it, but you’re still my brother, even if this goes hideously wrong and you turn into like, a slug or something,” he says, cracking a grin at his own joke. “I want you to be happy more than I want anything else. You guys are my family.”

It’s easy because Jace knows he’s never been that good with words and isn’t expecting anything in return, his smile tired but warm when Alec pulls him into a tight hug.

“We’ve gotta go now,” he sighs into the other man’s shoulder, squeezing him quickly once more before letting go. “It needs to be done on the brink of sunrise, and in London at the moment that’s about ten to four.”

“You seriously think we aren’t coming with you? You know, you can be really fucking stupid sometimes, man.” Alec frowns as Jace leads him towards the exit where Clary and Isabelle are waiting with arms interlocked. “Someone has to make sure you get through this okay.”

Again, Alec isn’t quite sure what to say but Jace seems to accept him softly squeezing his hand as they walk towards the other two. He’s the one who calls Xeneria, mostly because she tends not to answer when anyone else calls, and then she’s there within the next five minutes. A smile graces her face upon exiting the portal but she looks exhausted, the kind of tiredness that runs bone deep and Alec feels guilty for putting her through all of this. Silently, he reminds himself that no matter the outcome, he definitely owes her.

Silently, he reminds himself that this might not work.

Alfus is waiting for them on the other side of the portal when Xeneria opens it, wringing his hands out and pacing across the old wooden floors. Without instruction, Clary takes Jace into the kitchen to first make the warlock a cup of tea before making Xeneria one and Jace a hot chocolate.

“You must be Isabelle, my dear,” he greets her, voice flatter and quieter than it had been the first time he’d met the warlock. In the throws of possibility of getting back Magnus, Alec hasn’t given much thought about how much Alfus will be crushed if this doesn’t work. Condemned to live forever.

It sounds familiar in an air of possibility and he’s not sure how to feel.

“When I attempt to raise Magnus, it’s likely you will be in a great deal of pain. Furthermore, the dark energy in the air will encourage you to think negatively of him. However, if you give in to these urges, it will not be the same man who rises.” Alfus mutters a quick spell under his breath in a language Alec one day hopes to learn, nodding in success when burning sticks of sage begin to levitate in a circle around the trio. “You must think of your happiest memories with him and your love for him, whatever that type of love may be. Those who are not participating, please also do so, but keep your distance.” A fine line of ash begins to form a circle underneath the sage, incredibly thin but somehow Alec can already feel the power radiating off of the barrier. “If you break that circle before the spell is over, you will die.”

Isabelle takes his hand and together they both grip on to Alfus’, closing their eyes and letting his words take control of the room. Alec thinks about their date in Tokyo, of all the times Magnus has fallen asleep on him, of cooking lessons that never quite end up as they had been planned, of travelling to the beach just to see the sun set together. Searing pain begins to spread through his veins, burning like flame but simultaneously ice cold as it maps its way out underneath his skin. Every part of him wants to cast away their hands and get out but he refuses to give in. Alec thinks about moving in with him, about decorating the Christmas tree, about every morning spent in bed tangled up with one another, about leaving the institute but still feeling like he was home. Freezing cold wind hits him as if they’re suddenly outside but Alec doesn’t dare open his eyes. All he can think about is Magnus. About how Magnus is going to teach him how to perform magic, about how Magnus is going to take him to every corner of the world, about how they’re going to live together for the rest of time.

Somewhere in the distance, he hears Clary scream, but Alfus doesn’t falter even for a second. Soft light hits his eyelids as the sun begins to rise but he still keeps them firmly shut until Alfus stops speaking and seemingly collapses next to them.

“Alec!” Jace calls from the kitchen window. There’s a soft purple force field blocking the kitchen door, radiating angrily every time Clary kicks it (which isn’t stopping her by any means.)

“I’m okay!” he calls back, checking Alfus for a pulse before lowering him to the ground in relief when he finds one. And weirdly enough, he does feel okay – they have somehow ended up outside, so he’s cold and his clothes are plastered to his skin with sudden harsh rain, but he feels _fine_. Awareness of something new thrums under his skin, energy that feels like it could burst out at any moment but at the same time doesn’t feel like a threat at all.

“Alec,” he hears his sister say, too quietly.

Alec freezes, almost afraid to turn around. Isabelle is fixated on something behind him, though it’s impossible to read her emotion past anything other than shock. A flurry of emotion cascades through him all at once and he’s ready for something, considering the possibility of running because he can’t-

“ _Alexander_?” he hears from behind him, and his heart drops into his stomach.

Hesitantly he turns around, wary of what’s behind him, but it’s _Magnus_. It’s just Magnus, no demon incarnation or smouldering hell-beast. Magnus with a bloodied hole torn into his shirt but otherwise completely fine, Magnus with his makeup running down his cheeks and soaked to the skin, Magnus with his hand reaching out towards Alec. And well, Alec’s never wanted to take it more than he does right now so he bounds forwards, nearly knocking Magnus over but vowing to himself that he is never, ever going to let him go again. For a moment, everything is completely silent other than the steady fall of the rain on the conservatory roof and Alec feels whole again.

Magnus pulls away, holds him by the shoulders and smiles so softly that Alec doesn’t think he’ll ever see something so beautiful again. “Oh, my beautiful Alexander. What on Earth have you done?”

Words pile up in his throat so fast it feels as if he’s choking on them but he can’t let them leave, can’t remember how to say a single one because he’s staring at Magnus and he’s _alive_ and nothing could ever matter more than that.

Tentative fingers reach out to stroke at what once was the rune on his neck, which he can only assume has now disappeared or scarred over, but they jump back when they make contact with his skin.  “I traded my mortality to bring you back,” he confesses, because he knows Magnus can sense the energy under his skin.

“You foolish, foolish man,” Magnus whispers, properly crying now, but he still reaches out for him again.

“No, I- I know that you never agreed to this- I’m not expecting anything from you.”

“What?”

“When you said you wanted to be with me forever, you didn’t- you didn’t mean _this_. So when- I mean, if you don’t want this, I understand. I just couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t try.”

“You’re so unbearably _stupid_ ,” Magnus sighs, pulling him in again and sheltering him as best as possible from the relentless rain. “There was never going to be another after you. I could never have brought myself to move on from you.”

Alec had promised Magnus the rest of his life a long time ago. There’s no need to fill the silence with anything other than holding one another.

“What now?” Alec asks as Magnus finally starts to lead him back towards the house, Alfus having recovered and already made his own way back.

Despite everything, Magnus chuckles softly, squeezing the new warlock’s hand.

“Whatever you wish, Alexander. After all,” he smiles, pressing a kiss to his knuckles, “we have all the time in the world.”

\------

"It's story time!" Izzy whispers in a melodic tone, the surrounding children already enthralled by her presence as they always are. Even back then, there had always been something magical about her - Magnus thinks she might be a better immortal than them all. Like Alec, she had spent the first few decades travelling; only she had gone alone. Simon was still very much a part of her life, of course, but she had wanted to explore before settling down and Simon couldn’t ever say no to her. Eventually Catarina convinced her to start teaching at the Spiral Labyrinth. Magnus can see why she loves it so much. "Now, does anyone know how the Accords became renewed? Hands up if you've heard the story," she asks, and most of the children wave excitedly in the air. It's well-known by this point, though nobody can say for certain whether most of it is myth or a true story (well, almost nobody.) "You've all met my brother before. Alec is here to help me tell the story - he's very _familiar_ with it, after all."

Alec smiles warmly, if not a little awkwardly down at the children sat around him and crosses his legs on the rug. "The myth starts over a century ago, back when there was war brewing between the downworld and the nephilim - they were still at peace by law, but tensions were rising and nobody could quite tell what was going to happen next."

"There was a shadowhunter, and he was one of the best of his kind; he protected those around him fearlessly and with pride and strived to push away demons from this world forever. He was young, but he was strong, loyal and so, so brave. He fought alongside his sister and his parabatai and from the outside, it seemed as if everything were perfect."

"But one day, on a quest to help another, the shadowhunter met a very powerful warlock. He fell in love instantly, but was too afraid to admit it and instead spent his time envying the warlock for being proud and unafraid to love whomever he wished. The shadowhunter tried everything to push the warlock from his mind - he went on reckless missions, cast away his friends and family and even attempted to wed another despite not loving her."

Izzy grins and catches Magnus' eye, but the children are too caught up in the story to notice him quietly observing from the back of the classroom. "In the end, the warlock, who was always said to be quite fond of theatrics - he was the high warlock of Brooklyn after all - crashed the wedding of the shadowhunter to see what he would choose. Loyalty to his outdated traditions, or his love for the warlock?"

"What did he choose? Which one?" a small warlock child called out, her friend hushing her in barely contained excitement as Alec looks straight past them to meet Magnus' eyes.

"The warlock, of course. He was tired of pretending to be someone different to who he was, and the warlock made him feel something he had never felt before." The small boy catches his eye and gapes at him in wonder, smiling toothily when Magnus winks. "The two had many years of being in love together - they fought together, and won and lost and they fought each other, but somehow they always found their way back to each other."

"Their love was cursed though, for the warlock was immortal and the shadowhunter was not," Izzy explains, feigning a sad nod at the gasps of the children. "Their love for each other could spread to the furthers corners of the world, but it would not change the fact that one day, the shadowhunter would die and the warlock would have to live on alone. The two could do nothing but accept this and with heavy hearts, vowed to stay with each other for as long as nature would allow."

"Sadly, the warlock’s life was taken by a greater demon without warning. The shadowhunter was utterly heartbroken and disappeared for a while, unable to cope with the news that his beloved was now forever gone." Alec never admits it afterward, but Magnus hears the thickness of his voice when he recounts the death and makes a promise to himself to hold Alec extra tight tonight.

"That can't be the end!" a young girl protests, even though they all know it isn't.

"Don't worry," Izzy laughs, leaning her head on her brother's shoulder. "The shadowhunter knew he could not go on living without his warlock so he vowed to do everything in his power to bring him back. He contacted a warlock known for his skilled dark magic and promised her whatever she asked in order for him to return his warlock. He knew how desperate the nephilim was so asked for a price so large she thought he would never pay - his mortality."

"To give up his mortality would mean to give his angel blood and lose his position as a shadowhunter; he would be outcast into the downworld and de-runed, which is said to be a very painful process. But despite all of this, the shadowhunter agreed to give his mortality and became a warlock himself in order to bring back his beloved. And just like that, they were reunited." Alec is looking at him like he hung the stars in the sky at this point and even after all these years, Magnus feels himself blush.

"The new warlock used his reputation as a shadowhunter to bring the nephilim and the downworld together, rewriting the accords and whatever - but that's the boring part of the story, right?" she chuckles, bumping her brother’s shoulder softly. It’s been a tiring few years, but Alec wouldn't change them for the world.

"But what happened to them? Did they stay together?"

"Rumour has it that they're still together this very day," Izzy grins as Magnus starts to make his way over. "Who knows? You might have even met them before. I've heard they like to stay involved in things."

Magnus extends his hand and Alec stands to take it. "Apologies to steal away your wonderful guest, but we have a reservation to make. Give Simon my best, Isabelle."

As they leave, Magnus hears the children begging Izzy to tell them about him and Alec and chuckling under his breath when someone asks if they are the warlocks from the story. Magnus squeezes his hand and vows to never, ever let go.


End file.
